just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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