Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
