ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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