Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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