Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
