My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
