i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
