im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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