i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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