Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize