You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
