dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
