seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
