Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
