She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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