He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
