Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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