I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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