So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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