Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
