Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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