We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
