after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
