just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
