a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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