His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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