fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
