before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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