Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
