it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
