it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
