I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
