just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
