Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So squirting runs in the family.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
