stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
