Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
