the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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