I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
