toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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