Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
