Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
