All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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