I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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