The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize