i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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