Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
