the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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