Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
