Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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