She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
