i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
