Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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