there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
