so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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