I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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