i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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