i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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