Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
