nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize