I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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