Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
