So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
