i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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