Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
