i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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