walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
