Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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