I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
