It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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