you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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