Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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