I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm too high and old for this...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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